U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just tell him i said nine months
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
