omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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