We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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