They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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