Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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