Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
