I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
