How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
