A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
