Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My liver just broke up with me...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize