Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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