WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
