somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
