Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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