Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize