we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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