I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
