I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
