whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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