woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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