if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
organizing the empties. That sober.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
