I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You smell like stripper and shame
Come see our sink grown plant.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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