he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
