he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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