i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this boner is exhausting
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
