Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
