It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
