i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
