New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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