Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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