remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
