DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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