hotel room ftw
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
