Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
