Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
