your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
