Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
