When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
