Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
