She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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