it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am one with the molecules
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
