After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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