is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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