We're like a lot better than the average bears
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
