what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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