can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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