And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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