I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
