i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
