Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
