There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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