me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
