I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
