the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
