It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
