I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
