I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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