I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
