I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize