New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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