I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize