My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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