"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
