Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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