I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
