Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I CAN MOONWALK!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
