He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
