the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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