Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
nutella sex= disaster
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
