at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Text me some of your sweat
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