I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My liver just broke up with me...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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