Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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