my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
