I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She bit a glass in half.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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