just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
